Different people, different relationships
A relationship doesn’t just mean what happens in your love life! Most of our important relationships - like with our family, friends and pets - involve our feelings but don’t involve any romance! We also have relationships with teachers, health professionals and neighbours. Whatever the relationship, it will probably have ups and downs – most do! Good communication and respect going both ways are really important to make it work well.
Everyone has the right to be safe and happy in their relationships, whoever they are and whoever they’re with. Try not to make judgements about people and their relationships – imagine all the great people you might never meet if you decide they’re not ‘your type’ before even speaking to them. It’s true that the world would be a pretty boring place if everyone were the same, and there’s no right or wrong answer when it comes to how people look, their family set-up, culture and who they fancy. So get to know people, and enjoy all the differences between them!
What about romantic and sexual relationships?
For most people having sexual feelings is perfectly normal and natural. We all find different people attractive, and you might fancy someone or want to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, or maybe you already have a partner.
It can be difficult if all your mates seem to be with someone and you would like to be! But life doesn’t come with a script, and there’s no ‘normal’ way romantic or sexual relationships happen – it’s different for everyone. Spend time doing things you enjoy and with people who make you feel good about yourself.
Maybe you’re wanting to get closer to someone, and maybe you’re thinking about having sex or you’ve already started having sex. Sex can be a healthy and happy part of people’s lives, and should not be something to regret. It is supposed to be enjoyable – so whatever your age, its important to only have sex if it is something you want to do and feel ready for.
Sometimes it’s hard to make the choices you want to. Especially if you’re feeling under pressure to appear confident and look like you know what you are doing.
Are you really ready for sex? Or would it be better to wait?
Everyone has the right to be safe and happy in their relationships.
It’s important to figure out what’s right for you, and only you can make that decision. Rushing into sex to try and make a good impression, or because someone else wants you to, is not a good idea. Making positive decisions is a whole lot easier when you can talk it through with someone you‘re close to and know you can trust.
It’s up to you what you do with your body, and you’re not unusual if you don’t have sex. With all the talking and boasting that goes on, it might seem like everybody’s doing it, but they’re not. Two out of three teenagers don’t have sex until they’re over 16. There are lots of ways of enjoying being together with someone that don’t involve sex – so you need to decide what’s right for you. You might find this checklist useful: Am I ready for sex?
Remember, if you do decide to have sex, it’s important to look after yourself and your sexual partners. You matter and you deserve the best. And if you’re talking to your mates about what’s happened, remember to always respect the feelings of others and be honest about your own.
Think. Talk. Decide. Enjoy.
Ending relationships
All relationships have ups and downs. But if you are in a relationship that you are not enjoying then you might be thinking about ending it. This can be difficult or uncomfortable. Remember your feelings matter and you have a responsibility to speak up for yourself. Try to respect the other person’s feelings too. At the end of a relationship, both people can feel sad and hurt.
If you’ve recently ended a relationship, or if someone broke up with you, don’t give yourself a hard time. You might find it helps to spend time with friends who make you feel good about yourself, do things you enjoy and maybe even to do a bit more exercise. Exercise releases natural chemicals into the blood which can make you feel a bit better.
Where can I get help?
Whether you are male, female, gay, straight, or bisexual, having sex or not having sex, you might at some point come across problems in your relationships and feel confused about the best way to deal with them. You’re not alone!
If you have any worries about your relationship and want some support and advice, talk to a good friend or someone else you trust. You can also visit a Healthy Respect drop-in – they provide free and confidential information, advice and support.
Sexuality: who do you fancy?
Need to talk?
Am I ready for sex?