Healthy Relationships DRAFT

Romantic relationships are meant to make you feel happy and safe.

This is called having a healthy relationship.

Sometimes a romantic relationship can make you feel unhappy.

These are called unhealthy relationships.

Some unhealthy relationships can become dangerous and make you feel unsafe. These are called abusive relationships.

Another word for this is domestic abuse.

This page will give you some examples what domestic abuse can look like in a relationship.

There are lots of ways someone can be abusive.

If something feels wrong or bad in your relationship, but it is not listed on this page, you should still ask for help from a trusted adult, or one of the services at the end of this page.

Any person can be a victim of domestic abuse.

You do not need to feel embarrassed if you have been a victim of abuse.

It is not your fault.

Scroll down the page to learn what makes a relationship healthy and unhealthy.

An unhealthy partner might yell and scream at you often.

This is emotional abuse.

A healthy partner always speaks to you respectfully, even when you do not agree about something.

An unhealthy partner might stop you spending time with your friends and family.

This is emotional abuse.

A healthy partner supports you spending time alone with your friends and family.

An unhealthy partner might control what clothing or makeup you wear.

This is emotional abuse.

A healthy partner supports you wearing whatever you want.

An unhealthy partner might stop you doing activities you enjoy.

This is emotional abuse.

A healthy partner supports your activities and makes sure you have time to do them.

An unhealthy partner might make you tell them your online passwords and look through your phone.

This is digital abuse.

A healthy partner trusts you and gives you privacy.

An unhealthy partner might stop you doing things because they think you might cheat on them, or get attention from other people. 

This is emotional abuse.

An unhealthy partner might say mean or hurtful things about you. They might make you feel sad or embarrassed.

This is emotional abuse.

A healthy partner says kind things about you, and makes you feel happy.

An unhealthy partner might not listen when you say no. They might get angry or mean when you say no.

This is emotional abuse.

A healthy partner listens when you say no. You feel safe to say no whenever you want.

An unhealthy partner might pressure you to do romantic or sexual things you do not want to do.

This is sexual abuse. Sexual abuse is a crime.

A healthy partner never makes you feel pressured to do romantic or sexual things you do not want to do.

This is called consent. Learn more about consent.

An unhealthy partner might want to know where you are or who you are with all the time.

This is emotional abuse.

An unhealthy partner might make you message or call them all the time to know what you are doing and who you are with.

They might get angry if you do not respond to them all the time.

This is digital abuse.

A healthy partner trusts you to not cheat on them.

It is ok to feel jealous sometimes, but a healthy partner will not try to control you because they feel jealous.

An unhealthy partner might steal from you or stop you from spending your own money.

This is financial abuse. Financial abuse is against the law.

An unhealthy partner might threaten you. They might say they will hurt you or someone else if you do not do what they want.

This is abuse.  Threatening someone is against the law.

An unhealthy partner might threaten to hurt your:

• Friends
• Family
• Children
• Pets

This is abuse. It is against the law to threaten people and pets.

An unhealthy partner might threaten to hurt or kill themselves if you do not do what they want.

This is emotional abuse.

An unhealthy abusive partner might break or damage things on purpose. 

Breaking things when you are angry or upset can make your partner feel afraid.

This is abuse.

Breaking things when you are angry at your partner is against the law.

It is ok to feel angry sometimes.

There are healthy ways to deal with feeling angry like:

• going for a walk
• writing a letter about your feelings
• taking deep breaths

If you get angry and want help to manage it in a healthy way, you can talk to a trusted adult like:

• A parent
• A teacher
• A counsellor
• A support worker
• Your Doctor (GP)

An unhealthy partner uses violence. Violence is any physical touch that is meant to hurt or scare you.

This is physical abuse. Physical abuse is against the law.

An unhealthy partner might choke you or try to stop you breathing properly on purpose.

This is physical abuse. Physical abuse is against the law.

If your partner has been doing unhealthy or abusive things to you, you can tell a trusted adult such as:

• Your parent or caregiver
• A counsellor
• A support worker
• A teacher
• A doctor or nurse

You can also contact Scotland’s Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline any time, for free, on:

If you are 18 years old or younger, you can call a Childline counsellor any time for free on 0800 1111

When you call a helpline, workers can help you figure out if your relationship is unhealthy or abusive.

They can also help you make a plan to be safe.

If your partner is threatening or hurting:

• you
• themselves
• or someone else

Go into a locked room away from them like a bathroom or bedroom and call the police emergency line on 999.

You can also call the police non-emergency line on 101 if you are safe and away from your partner.

If you have done unhealthy or abusive things to your partner you should…

Remember that being a victim of domestic abuse is never your fault.

You are not alone.