Healthy Relationships

Romantic relationships are meant to make you feel happy and safe.

This is called having a healthy relationship.

This page will give you examples of what a healthy relationship can look like.

Sometimes a romantic relationship can make you feel unhappy.

These are called unhealthy relationships.

Some unhealthy relationships can become dangerous and make you feel unsafe. These are called abusive relationships.

Another word for this is domestic abuse.

This page will give you some examples what domestic abuse can look like in a relationship.

There are lots of ways someone can be abusive.

If something feels wrong or bad in your relationship, you should always ask for help from a trusted adult, or one of the services at the end of this page.

Any person can be a victim of domestic abuse.

You do not need to feel embarrassed if you have been a victim of abuse.

It is not your fault.

Scroll down the page to learn what makes a relationship healthy and unhealthy.

A healthy partner supports you spending time alone with your friends and family.

A healthy partner supports you wearing the clothes or makeup you want to.

A healthy partner supports your activities and makes sure you have time to do them.

A healthy partner trusts you and gives you privacy.

A healthy partner says kind things about you, and makes you feel happy.

A healthy partner listens when you say no.

You feel safe to say no whenever you want.

A healthy partner never makes you feel pressured to do romantic or sexual things you do not want to do.

This is called consent. Learn more about consent.

A healthy partner trusts you to not cheat on them.

It is ok to feel jealous sometimes, but a healthy partner will not try to control you because they feel jealous.

Move down the page to find out what an unhealthy or abusive relationship can look like.

An unhealthy partner might yell and scream at you often.

This is emotional abuse.

An unhealthy partner might stop you spending time with your friends and family.

This is emotional abuse.

An unhealthy partner might control what clothing or makeup you wear.

This is emotional abuse.

An unhealthy partner might stop you doing activities you enjoy.

This is emotional abuse.

An unhealthy partner might make you tell them your online passwords and look through your phone.

This is digital abuse.

An unhealthy partner might stop you doing things because they think you might cheat on them, or get attention from other people. 

This is emotional abuse.

An unhealthy partner might say mean or hurtful things about you. They might make you feel sad or embarrassed.

This is emotional abuse.

An unhealthy partner might not listen when you say no. They might get angry or mean when you say no.

This is emotional abuse.

An unhealthy partner might pressure you to do romantic or sexual things you do not want to do.

This is sexual abuse.

Learn more about sexual abuse.

An unhealthy partner might want to know where you are or who you are with all the time.

This is emotional abuse.

An unhealthy partner might make you message or call them all the time to know what you are doing and who you are with.

They might get angry if you do not respond to them all the time.

This is digital abuse.

An unhealthy partner might steal from you or stop you from spending your own money.

This is financial abuse.

An unhealthy partner might threaten you. They might say they will hurt you or someone else if you do not do what they want.

This is abuse.

An unhealthy partner might threaten to hurt your:

• friends
• family
• children
• pets

This is abuse.

An unhealthy partner might threaten to hurt or kill themselves if you do not do what they want.

This is emotional abuse.

An unhealthy abusive partner might break or damage things on purpose. 

Breaking things when you are angry or upset can make your partner feel afraid.

This is abuse.

An unhealthy partner uses violence. Violence is any physical touch that is meant to hurt or scare you.

This is physical abuse.

An unhealthy partner might choke you or try to stop you breathing properly on purpose.

This is physical abuse.

An unhealthy or abusive partner might not be unhealthy or abusive all the time.

They might be kind or loving sometimes. This can make it hard for their partner to get help for the abuse.

An unhealthy or abusive partner might apologise for doing something wrong, then keep doing that thing.

It is never OK to abuse your partner, even if you say sorry afterwards.

Move down the page to find out how to get help if you are in an unhealthy or abusive relationship.

If your partner has been doing unhealthy or abusive things to you, you can tell a trusted adult like:

• Your parent or caregiver
• A counsellor
• A support worker
• A teacher
• A doctor or nurse
• A police officer

You can also contact Scotland’s Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline any time, for free, on:

Childline helps people who are 19 years old or younger who need support.

If you are in an unhealthy or abusive relationship you can contact a Childline counsellor any time for free:

• by calling 0800 1111
• by email
• through 1-2-1 counsellor chat

Learn more about relationships and abuse on their website.

When you call a helpline, workers can help you figure out if your relationship is unhealthy or abusive.

They can also help you make a plan to be safe.

If your partner is threatening or hurting:

• you
• themselves
• or someone else

Go into a locked room away from them like a bathroom or bedroom and call the police emergency line on 999.

You can also call the police non-emergency line on 101 if you are in a safe place and away from your partner.

Remember that being a victim of domestic abuse is never your fault.

You are not alone.

Move down the page to find out how to get help if you have been unhealthy or abusive to your partner.

If you get angry and want help to manage it in a healthy way, you can talk to a trusted adult like:

• A parent
• A teacher
• A counsellor
• A support worker
• Your Doctor (GP)

If you have done unhealthy or abusive things to your partner you must stop and get support to change your behaviour.

A trusted adult or support service can support you to change and manage your feelings without hurting others.

If you have done unhealthy or abusive things to your partner, you can also contact Respect Phoneline for help to stop.

Call: 0808 8024040

Monday–Friday 10am-5pm

Email: info@respectphoneline.org.uk

Website: www.respectphoneline.org.uk