Breaking up
Why do people break up?
If you are in a romantic relationship that is making you or your partner feel unhappy, you might decide to end your relationship.
This is often called a ‘break up’ or ‘breaking up’. We will use these words to describe ending a relationship on this page.
People might also call ending a relationship:
- splitting up
- ending things
- finishing things
- a separation
It is OK to break up with someone.
There are lots of reasons why someone might break up with their partner.
You might decide to break up because your relationship has become unhealthy.
You might decide to break up because your relationship is getting in the way of your other goals and responsibilities like;
- school or study
- sports
- work
You might decide to break up if you and your partner argue too much.
You might break up because the relationship does not make you feel happy anymore.
Scroll down to learn how to have a healthy break up.
How to have a healthy break up
It is a good idea to talk to a trusted adult or friend when deciding to break up with someone.
They can give you advice on what to do and how to be respectful.
A trusted person you can get relationship or break up advice from could be someone like a:
- Parent
- Teacher
- Support worker
- Counsellor
- Social workers or youth workers
- Aunt or uncle
- Older sibling or cousin
If you do not have a trusted adult you can talk to, you can call a helpline like Childline for advice on relationships and breaking up.
You might decide to break up with your partner in person. Choose a place where both of you will feel safe.
If you can, pick a place that is easy for them to get home afterwards.
It can be a good idea to have a trusted adult or friend waiting nearby in case you need help during or after the break up.
You might decide to break up with them over a phone call or text message.
If you break up with someone over the phone, it is best to do it when they are near their trusted adults for support.
Breaking up in person or over the phone is a personal choice.
The most important part is being respectful and honest when you tell them.
If you are worried about what to say during a break up, you can write down your reasons and feelings to help you remember.
It can be hard to see someone get upset when breaking up with them.
You can tell them to talk to one of their trusted adults or friends for support.
If your partner breaks up with you, you must accept their decision.
It is OK for you to:
- Ask them why they are breaking up with you
- Cry
- Stop talking to them
Some people feel angry, hurt, and upset with the person who is breaking up with them.
It is OK to tell someone they have hurt your feelings and that you feel upset with them.
After you break up with a romantic partner they are called your ‘ex-partner’. You might also call them your:
- ex-boyfriend
- ex-girlfriend
- ex
- previous partner
It can be a good idea to spend some time not seeing or talking to your ex-partner after a break up.
This will give both of you time to calm down and get support.
Sometimes your ex-partner goes to the same school or activity group as you, and you might see them there after you break up.
It is OK to ask them to give you space when you have to be in the same place.
Treat each other with respect when you have to see each other.
Some people decide to be friends with their ex-partner after they break up.
You do not have to be friends with them if you do not want to.
Scroll down to learn about unhealthy and abusive behaviours after a break up.
Unhealthy or abusive behaviour after a break up
If your partner breaks up with you, it is not OK to:
- Beg or pressure them to get back together
If your partner breaks up with you, it is not OK to:
- Text or call them when they have asked you not to
If your partner breaks up with you, it is not OK to:
- Give them gifts or money to make them change their mind
If your partner breaks up with you, it is not OK to:
- Watch them or follow them around when they are out in public or at home
If your partner breaks up with you, it is not OK to:
- Bully them
- Spread nasty rumours about them
If your partner breaks up with you, it is not OK to:
- Threaten to hurt or kill yourself
This is abuse.
If your partner breaks up with you, it is not OK to:
- Hurt or threaten them
This is abuse.
If your partner breaks up with you, it is not OK to:
- Show nude or sexual pictures of them to others
- Threaten to share their nudes with others
This is abuse.
If your partner or ex-partner is doing any of these things, or making you feel unsafe after you have broken up with them, you can:
- tell a trusted adult
- call the police on 999
Scroll down to learn about coping after a break up.
Coping after a break up
Break ups can be very sad.
During a break up you might feel:
- worried
- angry
- confused
- depressed
- lonely
Break ups are a normal part of life. They can be very sad, but talking to friends and family can help you feel better.
Exercising and doing the activities you enjoy can help you feel better after a break up.
Some people struggle with their mental health after a break up.
If you are feeling very sad for a long time, and nothing is helping you feel better, you can go to your GP (doctor) for help.
You can also speak to a trusted adult for help with your mental health after a break up. This could be a:
- Parent or family member
- support worker
- nurse
- counsellor
- teacher
- caregiver
To learn more about break ups, read:
